Effective Communication: Books That Transform the Way You Connect
Effective communication—more commonly known as "assertive communication"—is a form of honest and appropriate expression that involves expressing thoughts, ideas, feelings, and needs clearly and respectfully, without attacking or belittling others. This type of language is characterized by prioritizing one's own rights while respecting those of others.
Among the benefits of assertive communication are: improved interpersonal relationships, reducing conflict and stress, increasing self-esteem, facilitating problem-solving, and improving communication in the workplace. If you want to learn all about it, here's our selection of the best books on assertive communication.
Best books on assertive communication
Assertiveness: expression of healthy self-esteem (1996), by Olga Castanyer
It would seem that the concept of assertive communication It was an invention that came out of nowhere, and psychologists used it for everything and in every context. However, the conceptualization of a better way to talk to others, and to express our feelings without hurting our partner or friends, has been flirting with pink psychology and self-help books for many years.
That is what Olga Castanyer sets out to demonstrate with this volume. In it, The author states that When we love and respect ourselves, it is much easier to do the same with other people, because Self-esteem is that fundamental pillar that allows us to be sure of our unique worth, helping us establish our rights without trampling on others.
Quotes by Olga Castanyer
- «Table of assertive rights: The right to be treated with respect and dignity; the right to have and express one's feelings and opinions; the right to be heard and taken seriously; the right to judge my needs, set my priorities, and make my own decisions; the right to say "no" without feeling guilty; the right to ask for what I want, realizing that my interlocutor also has the right to say "no"…»
- «Ellis's list of irrational ideas: it is necessary for a human being to be liked and accepted by everyone; one has to be very competent and know how to solve everything if one wants to consider oneself necessary and useful; there are evil and despicable people who should get what they deserve; it is horrible when things don't turn out the way one would like; human misfortune is due to external causes, and people have no or very little chance of controlling their annoyances and disorders...»
Assertiveness: for extraordinary people (2013), by Eva Bach and Anna Forés
In this book, the authors pose a question that, while seemingly childish, could spark an interesting conversation: "How do you navigate life? Assertively or like a bull in a china shop?" Assertiveness rhymes with happiness, and this is no coincidence. This is a wonderful resource for building healthier and more harmonious relationships with others. Hence the interest it generates.
Assertive communication allows us to speak to others using empathetic language that seeks to resolve conflicts. In this sense, One of the most proposed methods is not to argue with high emotional levels, but rather finding moments of peace and quiet to discuss our feelings and the best ways to deal with a problem, whether with our partner, friends, or at work.
Phrases by Eva Bach
- "Imagine a glass jar of water with glitter at the bottom. You shake it and the glitter spreads all over the jar. When emotions are unleashed and overwhelm us, exactly the same thing happens; they invade our entire being like glitter."
- "Regaining calm isn't always the ultimate goal of emotional experience. Calm doesn't end with calm; it often begins what's essential. Calming ourselves should serve to open an inner space for the emotion that allows us to better understand it and ourselves."
You can also say "no": learn to be assertive and say what you think (2017), by Carmen Pastor and Juan Sevilla
One of the biggest problems in our society today is that people don't know how to say what they think., and this almost always happens because of our fear of hurting others. However, what ends up happening is that we carry an unimaginable burden until, overnight, we end up exploding at the person who least deserves it. That's why assertive communication must be put into practice.
Assertive behavior is when we express what we think, we feel and need in a direct and honest way, but also clearly and kindly. Setting boundaries isn't about mistreating our interlocutors or demonstrating strength and power through words, but rather about putting on the table those needs for attention, space, affection, and respect that we all deserve.
Quotes by Carmen Pastor
- "Where there is diversity, education cannot be a straight line that everyone has to follow."
- "As teachers, we must provide students with diverse opportunities to participate and express themselves, recognizing that each individual may have different ways of learning and communicating their knowledge."
The right to say no: how to gain self-esteem without losing assertiveness (2009), by Walter Riso
This wouldn't be a good list of assertive communication books if we didn't mention Walter Riso, one of the most prominent and widely read psychologists of recent years. In his book, The author explains why we are afraid to refuse certain requestsWhy do we tend to submit to the desires of others? Do we perhaps think that our limits are less important than satisfying others?
The right to say no It analyzes the concept of assertiveness, as well as its benefits, its limits, and, in general, the reasons why we are afraid of saying no. Likewise, The author addresses elements such as anticipated guilt and fear of hurting othersRiso addresses all this knowledge through simple language, so that everyone can understand this aspect of psychology.
Walter Riso quotes
- "When love knocks, it will burst in like a torrent: you won't be able to shut out the bad and only welcome the good. If you think love equals happiness, you've come down the wrong path."
- "Faithfulness to your partner isn't a lack of desire for others. When you see someone you like, it's a matter of self-control and timely avoidance. I recommend not playing with fire or acting like an idiot, because you can get burned."
- "To love oneself while despising or ignoring others is presumption and exclusion; to love others while despising oneself is a lack of self-love."
Assertive intelligence (2015), by Javiera De la Plaza
This text by Chilean psychologist Javiera de la Plaza is presented as a guide to improving interpersonal communication, all through the development of assertiveness, a revolutionary concept that has helped millions of people build respectful and healthy relationships. The volume covers how to overcome the frustration of not being able to express what we think or feel., whether due to shyness, fear or low self-esteem.
Likewise, the author proposes tools to discover how to avoid impulsive reactions that can damage our relationships. She also explores key concepts such as passive, aggressive, and assertive communication, emotional intelligence, and self-esteem. In addition, proposes strategies to express our ideas in a clear and respectful manner, learn to say “no” without guilt, listen actively and use appropriate body language.
Quotes by Javiera De la Plaza
- "Reaching agreements is much more than resolving a conflict; it's the art of building bridges through dialogue and empathy."
- "Sometimes we get swept away by expectations that don't resonate with our inner selves."
- "Taking care of yourself is the first step to being able to take care of others."
I want to learn to love myself assertively (2018), by Olga Castanyer Mayer Spiess
Assertiveness and self-esteem are two closely related concepts., and one could not exist without the other, because how can we command respect if we don't respect ourselves first? And how do we in turn command the respect of others? If we want to embark on the path toward what every human being desires, we must take these elements into account: love and respect.
Self-esteem gives us respect, affection and self-confidence. In most cases, we don't seek to feel above or below anyone; we simply seek to be ourselves, with emotional independence and the confidence that we care for and protect ourselves from the environment, especially when it is aggressive.
Other books on assertive communication
· Body language, persuasive communication, and rhetoric: learn effective public speaking, assertiveness, empathy, negotiation, NLP, and how to analyze people by reading them like a book. (2023), by Mateo Nevarez;
- Assertive Communication: The Secret to Speaking Without Bullshitting, Saying NO with Style, and Making Your Word Count. Become a Talker... Self-Esteem! (2013), by Ollie Snider;
- Emotional Intelligence (1996), by Daniel Goleman.